This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
