my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
operation harelip BJ is a go
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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