Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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