did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
