Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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