my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
