last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
