I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
