My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
he shaved USA in his pubs
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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