I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Randomize
