I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
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i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
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I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
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