yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
