its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
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i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
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It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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