I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
