I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
