Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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