My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
