I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
