I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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