so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
