I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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