i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
