I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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