The brown eye won't let me do that either.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
That accounts for only three of the penises
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
