It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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