whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
