I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Come on in and take your pants off
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