What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
When did angry sex become our thing?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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