apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
