rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
