I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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