we were pretty classy up until the second keg
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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