when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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