I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
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All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
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Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️