Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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