I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
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