Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
