i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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