i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
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You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
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Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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