I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
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he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
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