What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
