Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
