The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
its liver damage thursday
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