I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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