I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
