my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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