The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
