I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I could make wine with my vomit
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
