I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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