I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
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you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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