My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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