my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
