i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
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