Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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