He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
