His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
