I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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