Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
