He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
