Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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