why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
