i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
