Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
