But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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