doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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