I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
