Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
